Why It’s Important To Talk About Race With Our Children
“Sometimes it’s so subtle it makes you crazy. You think you’re just imagining it. When we go out as a family to some community function or to a restaurant, it isn’t what the people say as much as how they look at us, or speak to us. You probably don’t experience it the same. Your family is white. Even though you’re Indigena when you’re with your family you’re identified as one of them I bet.”
Do you talk about race with your children? Regardless of whether you are a family of color or not, race is a topic that everyone should be discussing with their children. I have friends who believe that we don’t need to talk about race. In fact some believe that talking about race creates issues that wouldn’t exist if we just remained color blind and saw people as a part of the “human race.” There are problems with this theory.
When we pretend to be “color blind” we negate the fact that people of color do not have the same experiences in the world that those of us who are white have. Many people don’t understand the term “white privilege.” They see it as a term that describes one’s socioeconomic status. Privilege in this case is meant to describe the fact that having white skin protects us from experiences in society that people who are brown and black are not protected from simply because of the color of their skin. White privilege describes the very real fact that many people of color do not have the same opportunities in life as white people because of the racial biases that exist in schools, the work place, and society as a whole. The tragic advantage to the current administration in the United States is that the discrimination and racism that people of color experience on a daily basis has become even less subversive and more obvious to everyone.
For those of us who are transracial families, if we neglect to talk with our children of color about race, once they move out into the world without us, they will not be prepared for the negative ways in which they may be received simply because of the color of their skin. Flip experiences this when he goes into the tourist shop with his friend Ricki. Because Flip grew up in the Mission District where shops are often run by other Latinos, and because his parents did not speak with him about race beyond acknowledging the color of his skin, Flip is unaware of the ways in which just entering a shop as a person of color draws attention, scrutiny, and suspicion.
“So what are you saying? She was following us? She thought we came to steal because we are Latino?...”
Ricki shakes his head. “I honestly don’t think she put it all together. That’s what I’m saying, it can be subtle and sometimes people aren’t even aware that they’re doing it.”
Regardless of the fact that we wish racism didn’t exist, and don’t want to feed into the narrative, the way to make change is to understand from the inside out that which you want to change. Talking about race with our children is a way to give them the language and awareness they will need to continue that conversation with others. It’s also a way to open dialogue about the ways in which we may also be racist and not even know it.
If you are interested in learning more about how to talk to your children about race go to: The Mosaic Project at mosaicproject.org or Raising Race Conscious Children: www.raceconscious.org
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. If you are a person of color, have you ever been in a situation where you noticed you were treated differently because of the color of your skin? If you are not a person of color have you noticed this with someone who is?
2. Name a few ways in which the color of your skin impacts your daily life or your life in general.